Walking along the river bank in Kingston Upon Thames with one of my photography students, I couldn’t help but see a solution to a problem which plagues most people. Most people struggle with change. They are tethered to mindsets that no longer serve them.
We are pilgrims in this dimension and happiness comes from having a worthy goal and making real progress towards the goal.
New year resolutions are goals towards freedom of some kind. Freedom requires change and change requires detachment from the old. It is delusional to try to change without making the necessary trade-offs. For a seed to grow, it must detach itself from its outer shell for the new plant to emerge.
To lose weight, become more confident, quit smoking, find a mate or grow your net worth, you must detach yourself from beliefs and items which link you to the old person, like an umbilical cord that links a baby to its mother.
To be free requires a two-fold commitment.
1- A spoken commitment
2-An action commitment
Choices some of my clients have had to make to become free.
1. To lose weight, he had to sign a pact of honesty with food choices.
She had to avoid friends and family members who made bad food choices and never cared to stay active. She had to find excuses to spend more time with friends she wanted to be as fit as.
2. To provide a more conducive environment for their children to grow, a couple had to sell their beloved home and move far away.
3. To find a husband or wife, they had to change their entire wardrobe, delete their digital footprint and start all over, learn a new language, earn more money etc.
The past is an illusion. Separate the old boat from the new one.
Make the trade-off.